February 13, 2009


Look, there is absolutely no motherfuckin’ need to forward goddamned joke video e-mails with the fuckin’ .wmv as an attachment to every person in your contacts. None. There’s this thing called YouTube now, just forward the link. It is not 1997 anymore. Here, try it.
Subject: Check this out!

If you have one of these hys-TIRED-ical files and are dying to share it with every fuckin’ person you’ve ever met just upload it to YouTube (create an account / channel first if you have to) then people can actually subscribe to your nonsense. (Check out my video below, for example.) They will even get automatic updates every time you load up another video of a drunk chick falling over a table at her cousins wedding. I know, right… it’s the same sort of magic as a fax machine at a retirement home. “Boy-oh-boy, technology suurrrrre is something!”

Also, it is not e-socially acceptable to create, possess or distribute any PowerPoint “gag” files. Not any. Ever. I have spent almost all of my adult life sitting at a computer staring at the screen all day. Trust me, out of all your friends I’m in the majority and we have all seen these YEARS ago. 4Chan, Fark (to name two) with the help of Digg, StumbleUpon, Reddit, Twitter, etc. (See top right, under: MAKE THIS BLOG BETTER) have replaced the need for you to get personally involved by hitting the forward button whenever you think it’s funny that some son-of-a-bitch’s cat “wantz to haz a cheezburger” or that some swarthy hot chick actually has a 7 inch dick. Motherfuck me, please stop it. Trust me, highlighting someone in your Facebook Notes is much, MUCH better than actually forwarding the goddamn chain-letter-questions-shit.

Would you ever, in a million years, call a friend and leave a fuckin’ joke you read in Maxim in their voicemail? No you wouldn’t, but that is exactly what you’re doing each time you forward those memes. To everyone in someone’s contact list around the world, you’re welcome.

P.S. Sully says: “Photos are totally different, you can just scroll down and look before you click DELETE (or if you’re a fuckin’ prick) FORWARD(to)ALL.” No need to run another program. Good point.

RANDOMLY BETTER: Everybody already has a Gmail or hotmail account or whatever, but you may want to give zenbe.com a whirl. They provide some pretty cool features like iPhone lists and the ability to view almost all file formats online including Microsoft Office documents. Power users can even sync existing accounts. 
BONUS: Try clusty.com over google. I think they have actually made a better search engine.