First of all, we do not consider it a sport, just like we don’t consider ballet a sport either. They’re basically the same shit, except the figure skater dudes are much more overtly gay. So, until they recognize ballroom dancing as an Olymp… What? Wait. Whatever.
Anyway, you know how it could be made watchable? H-O-R-S-E. Yep. One of the skaters would pull off a move or a combination of moves and then the others would have to throw it down as well or get a letter. Girls against the, um, boys. Gay guy vs. gayer guy. It wouldn’t matter. Plus, there would be plenty of W-H-O-R-E jokes to piss off your girl!
Oh, did we mention celebrity judges like the black Star Trek guy with the wicked shades, JM J Bullock and one of the hookers from the Pussycat Dolls would decide who is labeled H-O on the big board. (See, told ya!) You would watch just for the God-awful chick wipe-outs. Yeah, you would and so would your girl.
And just to make it even mo' betta, we are going to have this whole sideshow hosted by Pat Summerall. You’re welcome.
Randomly better:
Clancy Pendergast and Ted Cottrell should switch names, like right now. Remember how John Madden would always bring up that back judge or whatever who was related to The Pointer Sisters? With this change he could constantly wonder out loud if Clancy was related to Teddy Pendergrass or Teddy Cottrell. Madden's nuts.
Video which couldn’t possibly be made better:
Randomly better:
Clancy Pendergast and Ted Cottrell should switch names, like right now. Remember how John Madden would always bring up that back judge or whatever who was related to The Pointer Sisters? With this change he could constantly wonder out loud if Clancy was related to Teddy Pendergrass or Teddy Cottrell. Madden's nuts.
Video which couldn’t possibly be made better:
